Last semester, my second to last of my undergrad career (and quite possibly, my education), I was in a very small class with one of the most intelligent and knowledgeable men I've ever known as my professor. Dr. Allen Tennison- and I really can't over-praise this guy, I promise you- knows just about everything about nearly everything he talks about in class. He could rattle off lists of the influences on Pentecostal history that reach into every sector of the church. He fills up his class time to the last second, and none of the information is useless or boring, and he has a gift to explain difficult topics with clarity and depth.
All this being said, when we came to the topic of why there were so few female theologians, you can imagine my complete shock and awe when he said he believed that my classmate and I (the only women out of 9 students) could help that case.
I don't really think of myself as an overly intelligent person. I do a lot of thinking, but very little meditation. The depths to which my thoughts dive throughout the day could be navigated by a 10 year old with pool floaties. But Tennison's praise challenged me. I knew I had strong beliefs and anyone who knows me knows I have things to say, and often do so before truly backing up my case. While I can defend my stances this way, it is not sustainable as I head into the ministry, and it is certainly not responsible. So to fix this, I'm going to take some hints from kids.
Kids have a reputation for being questioners. They ask why, often to the annoyance of the adults around them. They aren't afraid of stepping on any toes or asking the wrong questions, they just ask. I think kids do a lot more thinking than we give them credit for as well, mulling things over until the answer makes sense and satisfies them.
I want to do that.
For however long I care to, in whatever schedule I can stick to, I want to ask the difficult questions. I would like it to be clear that this is the goal, because the questions I want to ask are not going to be pretty or necessarily "appropriate". I don't care much for what American Christianity thinks is okay to talk about, as I feel like much of the conversation there is dulled down and flavorless to a point where it misrepresents the Gospel and is totally ineffective toward the goal of reaching the lost. I want to push buttons, if only to sort out my own thoughts. If you get offended by something I say, realize I am sorting out my thoughts and maybe, think it over yourself.
Hopefully, most of the posts here will be of this type, but I won't limit it to that. If I feel inclined to write about my life, to reflect on the things I experience, that will go here. Those posts will be rare I think, but you shouldn't be shocked if I come up with something like My Life as a Christian Cosplayer or Let Me Tell You About My Weekend. I have a 50 track mind, and it goes without saying that my blog may as well.
Hopefully, I'll be able to post something this weekend.
Lord, please give me wisdom to search the depths of the knowledge You've laid out before me. Show me the truth, not as it is reflected in my culture or my own mind, but as it stands eternally in Your thoughts. Teach me to accept no substitutes or easy solutions, because the path to You was never promised to be the natural one I could follow, but only that it was the right one.
Amen.
